(Me and my Father at my graduation at VSU in 2011)
Fathers Day (June 15, 2014) commemorates the appreciation of fathers and male role models across the world. However, in recent times there has been a shift of focusing this holiday from positive male figures to single female mothers (and to be clear if the child’s father is in their life, you are not a single parent you are just single). This shift has prompted a degradation and psychological castration of the male mental and fundamental stability to be a leader, a positive role model, and ultimately presence within the child’s lives.
To understand my points you have to first look at what women are ultimately doing not only to men, but also to themselves. Mother’s, who decide to embrace and acknowledge themselves, are left to tell the world they made a bad choice in the guy they had a child with, failed to find a suitable substitute and now want recognition for doing just that. But, the sad part of that last line is that we have Mother’s Day that we recognized the hard work of mothers, but yet to women that’s not enough, instead they rather demean men further without taking responsibility for their own actions. Just remember the day that we recognize mothers and fathers is not the only day we appreciate them and their efforts it’s just the one day marked to show our gratitude to you. I have great friends and family members who are good fathers, so when you take their day away from them, it can be said as a selfish entitlement. Don’t punish good men and fathers for others transgressions. Now I am one to understand the wolf in sheep’s clothing or the douchebag in a prince charming mask, but that is no excuse to blame the male’s across the world for the males that you decided to choose (again accountability). There is also a trend of mothers who tend to confuse that having a bad relationship with the father is the same as the child’s relationship with the father (they are not the same). You and the father may not see eye to eye but that does not mean or justify you calling him a bad father or you keeping him from his child, ultimately doing what’s best for the child is the only way to gain anything from this situation.
I do understand and acknowledge there are some no good men out there with children BUT there are also no good women with children out there as well. I am one who was raised by his father, while having an absent mother. However, I did not resort to calling my mother names, nor did my father, but I found and understood that my Aunt filled that void along with other women who I encountered and always wanted to help. So when Mother’s Day rolls around I’m not telling my father Happy Mother’s Day (like many people are doing on father’s day for mothers), rather I am telling my Aunt, my Grandmother, My Cousins etc. happy mothers day, if not for impacting my life, then for impacting their own children’s lives. Always remember just because you have a child, that doesn’t make you a mother or father, and just because you don’t, doesn’t mean you didn’t fill that mother and father void in someone’s life.
There is nothing wrong with acknowledging a male figure that played that role for you or your child. Even further, nothing can open a man’s eyes more than seeing another man get the credit for something he had the opportunity to do or should’ve done. If the child’s father doesn’t want to be in the child’s life, first do some soul-searching and determining what you actually want in a man and a father for your child (without revealing it out loud to avoid the false prince charming) and find that. Find someone who doesn’t mind being a father to child that’s not his and take the time to acknowledge him. Take the time to acknowledge an uncle or cousin who has always been there for your child. Don’t just think because you made a mistake with the father of your child that he represents the world of men.
The most important issue is the impact that “trading-off” holiday has on the kids. When a daughter sees her mother bashing her father, what image do you think will become of men in her eyes? Can you blame a young male who saw nothing but the way his mom called his dad out of names and a no good father, no matter how he actually saw his father as good or bad to even want to take on that burden. Do you understand how you can psychologically ruin a young males mind frame when he hears of the negativity men get around this holiday? Always remember in the world you live in, there is someone watching, and will continue the life that you lead.
In closing, we recognize both parents and role models for their hard work and dedication put forth to ensure the youth of today can be better adults of tomorrow. Lets show them what being better adults look, act and think like.
AND TO THE FATHERS AND MALE FIGURES OUT THERE, ENJOY YOUR DAY! WE APPRECIATE YOU
Dedicated to the GOOD father’s I know personally:
Terry Allen (my father), Brendon Allen (my twin brother), T.J. Davidson, Terrence Moore, Travis Isaac, D’Alan Goodhope, Raine Reed, Frank Isaac, Sheldrick Allen, Coach Jason-Lamont Jackson, Coach Leslie Young, T.J. and Terrell Diggs, Terrence Fullilove, J.R. Freeman, Omar Jones, and to anyone I may have missed because I know so many of yall HAPPY FATHERS DAY